Excuse me! Waiter!
by Sunny-For-Life
Summary: Where do Tales characters go when they get hungry? To Vesperia of course! Who wouldn't want Yuri Lowell as a waiter? Guest appearances from Tales of Symphonia, the Abyss, Dawn of the New World and Rebirth.


As I'm sure you'll notice, this is something a little different from what I usually write. I was having major writer's block earlier, so I started playing Tales of Vesperia a bit and then... BAM! Evil crack plot bunny appeared! And so, this is the result of lack of sleep, waaay too many youtube videos involving Tales characters and a cute, evil little bunny. XD I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it!

Fair warning, it's a bit of a crackish fic but not too crazy. Do keep in mind that this isn't an example of my best work, just something I wrote to get rid of horrible writer's block and amuse myself. ;) This is actually a crossover but since that only allows two categories, I kept it in the Tales of Vesperia category.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Vesperia, Tales of Rebirth, Tales of the Abyss, Tales of Symphonia or Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World.

(Now what does that disclaimer tell you about this fanfiction? ;b)

* * *

><p>"No,"<p>

"Please Yuri? I promised her I would and I can't-"

"No, Estelle,"

"But-"

"Sorry, Estelle,"

The pink-haired princess opened her mouth to plead with Yuri one more time, only to be interrupted by a sudden fit of coughing. Yuri placed a hand on his hip and waited, looking away so as not to see the pitiful sight.

"Isn't there anybody else?" Yuri asked.

"I looked for Rita, but she's not in Dahngrest. Raven said she left to go do research. Then I tried asking Raven but he said that-" she paused to cough a bit. "-his bones were aching. So then I looked for Karol and Judith. Karol was asleep in the inn, but I couldn't wake him up. He's been so tired." She coughed a few more times, her voice was growing softer. "Then I found Judith but she said that tonight just wasn't a good night for her. Raven overheard me talking to Judith and suggested I get you to do it. I wasn't sure but Judith agreed." She finished her long speech with even more coughing.

'That damn old man… And Judy just had to encourage Estelle.' Yuri sighed, trying to keep his thoughts from showing on his face so as not to hurt Estelle's feelings. There was no choice now.

"Alright… I'll do it." Yuri muttered reluctantly.

"Really? Thanks, Yuri!" Estelle pulled him into a hug as Yuri thought unhappily about this evening.'I'm going to kill the old man for getting me involved in this…'

He was going to be a waiter.

"Hey,"

The woman behind the counter looked up from a notebook and a smile appeared.

"Hi, Yuri! What can I get you?"

"I'm here to work."

The smile on the woman's face lost its sincerity after hearing those words, appearing to just be plastered on.

"Excuse me?"

"Estelle got sick. I came to fill in her spot."

"…I see."

There was an awkward silence as the woman continued staring at Yuri with the fake smile still intact. Finally she sighed, dropping the act, and pointed to the back room.

"Well, you can't wait tables looking like that. Go try on a few spare outfits that we have. They should be in your size."

"Alright." Yuri went through the door to the back room.

The woman's co-worker stared at her as if she had just grown wings and flew.

"Agnes! You're not actually going to let him wait tables?" she exclaimed.

"I have no choice, Trisha. We're short tonight. We only have two other waiters."Agnes said resigned.

Trisha gave up, throwing her hands into the air. There was a door slamming and she turned to look at Yuri walking back into the main room. "Well, at least he's good-looking. Maybe that will get the customers to see past his terrible manners."

The two women watched Yuri, considering the idea. The co-worker spoke again.

"You're not even going to try to make him wear the cat ears, are you?"

"No way. I'd rather live through the night, thanks."

"My! You look fancy!" called out the other waitress, addressing Yuri. She grinned, walking up to him.

He was dressed in a long sleeved white shirt with a black vest that matched his pants. His dark hair was pulled up into a ponytail, but his bangs still remained in their usual place. He had rolled up the sleeves to his elbows and was tugging uncomfortably at the black tie.

Yuri sighed, already hating the evening. "It was either this or an even more ridiculous outfit." He responded to the waitress.

"That's too bad. That outfit is a hit with the ladies. We'd probably bring in more customers if you were shirtless."

The look Yuri gave the waitress told her exactly how he felt about that loud and clear.

"Hey Yuri!" Agnes interrupted, trying to save her only waitress from certain doom. Yuri approached her, irritation evident in his face. "The yearly festival is this week, so we're expecting a lot of strangers to come into Dahngrest. They're… a little different. You'll be serving a lot of interesting people tonight."

"Great," Yuri muttered.

"_You're_ working here tonight?" came a voice from behind Yuri. Yuri turned to see a man standing behind him, wearing the same outfit.

"Believe me, I'm just as thrilled as you are," Yuri practically growled.

"What happened to Estelle?"

"She got sick,"

"Well, damn. That's too bad. She's good with these types of customers." The man eyed Yuri uneasily. "Look, I know you've got an attitude and everything but… try not to piss off the customers."

Yuri resisted the urge to punch the man and smirked, saying "I'll be on my best behavior."

"That's what worries me."

"Excuse me! Waiter!" Yuri sighed, and walked across the busy room to yet another customer. So far he'd managed to serve a few customers without any major mishaps. Agnes watched him go, chuckling at the comments the customers made as he walked by. He certainly was a hit with the women:

Two young girls nearby were giggling together.

"Ooo, look at THAT waiter." One of them pointed out to her friend.

"He's soooo handsome!" Her friend swooned.

A young couple he had previously served watched as he walked by, the woman sighing happily. "His dark gaze is so dreamy…"

Her date, irritated, commented, "Seriously? He looks like he wants to stab somebody."

Finally Yuri came stalking back with the pad of paper clutched tightly in his hand.

"Tough costumer?" Anges asked sympathetically.

"What kind of parents order eighteen clam chowders, eight polwigle dumplings and ten chocolate cakes for an eight year old kid?" he demanded.

"So that's their order then?"

"No,"

"Well, what is it?"

"I told them to get the hell out."

"Yuri!"

"Relax," the other waiter approached and handed a piece of paper to Agnes. "I caught them before they left."

Agnes sighed in relief. "Alright well… Yuri, go get that man over there. He looks reasonable."

"Fine," Yuri clicked his pen, opened up his pad of paper again and poised ready next to the man's table.

"What do you want?"

"I'll have an earth spirit parfait and the spicy shrimp."

Yuri scribbled it down. "That it?"

"Actually…" The man leaned over the menu again, considering it. Yuri resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Forget those two, I'll just have the Don's Special."

"Fine," Yuri turned to give the order to Agnes, who was helping to cook tonight.

"Wait!"

Yuri looked back over his shoulder, irritated at being stopped again. "What?"

"I think I'll have the set lunch A instead."

"…Alright,"

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I think I'll have the-"

Yuri held up a hand, taking a deep breath to keep his anger in check.

"Go get the waitress, I'm done with you."

"What was that?"

"I said, _make up your damn mind_!"

"That's it, I'm leaving." He snapped, standing up.

"Fine by me," Yuri shrugged.

"Hey, Yuri." The waitress called as she walked by, "Go get that guy over there. He's been sitting there for about an hour now. If he's not ready to order just kick him out."

"Gladly," Yuri agreed, looking forward to being rude. He walked over to the lone man in the corner table, currently examining the menu.

"What the hell can I get you?" Yuri said, a little too loudly. He waited with his pen ready above the pad and looked up at the lack of reaction to his greeting. The man was staring off at the other end of the room. It looked like he hadn't even noticed him. Yuri frowned, examining him closer.

He had long, light blue hair, which was braided down his back. His clothes went along with his hair, all some sort of bluish color. He had a sword strapped to his side, revealing that he was a swordsman of some kind.

"Not getting any younger here, you know," Yuri complained, reminding the man he was still there.

"Cl…" He murmured.

"What was that?" Yuri strained to hear. "You want the clam chowder?"

"…CLAIRE!" he shouted, jumping out of his chair.

Yuri blinked in surprise, taking a step back.

"Sorry that I'm late," a pretty blonde girl apologized, smiling at the man.

"I'm… gonna come back later, okay?" Yuri hurried off to another customer who was trying to wave him down.

"You certainly look frustrated." the man commented, laughing lightly at Yuri's expression.

"Yeah well, waiting tables isn't my favorite thing in the world." He muttered. "Glad to know you're enjoying my misery."

"Oh, Jade, you've hurt his feelings." His companion chastised, chuckling lightly at their conversation. Yuri looked over at the other man, confused by their appearances.

The man named Jade looked very professional, someone who could be in the knights. But his outfit was lacking the armor they usually wore. He sat straight and tall in his chair, giving off a very authoritative feeling.

His friend was the opposite. He sat splayed about in his chair, looking very comfortable. His outfit revealed a messy nature, but he seemed to give off the same authoritative vibe as Jade, if not more. The man turned to look up at him, his blue eyes amused.

"I think we may have stunned him into silence," he joked.

Yuri shook his head, clearing his head as he focused on the men. "What did you want?"

"I'll have the mabo curry," Jade answered, smirking. Yuri resisted the urge to punch that smug look off his face. He'd only known the man for a few minutes but the look irritated him to no end.

"You do realize how spicy that is?" Yuri asked, raising an eyebrow. "I wouldn't want you keeling over because of the restaurant's food, old man."

He laughed lightly again. "I believe I can handle it. But allow me to thank you for the warning."

Yuri frowned. Somehow the guy still managed to win in their little exchange. Yuri was still irritated by him, but gave up.

"Alright, what about you?"

"Hmmm…" the man mumbled. "There are so many delicious things here… How about-" The man froze in the middle of his sentence.

"Something wrong?" 'Great.' Yuri thought. 'Just like with the blue-haired guy.'  
>"I'm sorry, you'll have to cancel my friend's order. We have to leave." The man got up abruptly and left the restaurant.<p>

Jade sat watching him leave, then looked down at the menu again. A smirk appeared on his face again.

"What's his problem?"

Jade stood up and pushed his chair in. "I believe he just noticed the rappig steak on the menu."

"Is he a vegetarian?"

"Something of the sort. I am truly sorry for wasting your time," the man called over his shoulder as he left.

"Didn't sound that sorry," Yuri muttered.

"Hey, Yuri!" Trisha yelled at him. "You plan on bringing us an order anytime soon?"

"Hang on!" Yuri yelled back, his irritation rising. 'Interesting people my ass… These people are plain weird.'

"HEY WAITER!" came a squealing voice from right behind him. Yuri turned around, ready to start yelling about how a normal volume would have worked just fine instead of trying to destroy his ear drums, when he spotted a familiar face.

"…Flynn?" He stared at his friend in confusion. "What the hell are you wearing?"

Flynn looked up at him, revealing something on his neck.

"A dog collar? Really?" Yuri raised an eyebrow.

The red-haired teenager next to him burst out laughing. "See? I told you it looked like a dog collar!"

Flynn punched the teen lightly, "Shut up," then turned back to Yuri. "I'm sorry, but my name's not Flynn."

Yuri blinked. "Wow, you even changed your voice. But don't you think this a pretty drastic way to hide from your duties?"

"Really," the man said, placing a hand on his chest. "My name's Guy."

Yuri laughed. "Pretty lame name to pick as an alias but, whatever. If you insist on keeping up the act I'll play along."

"No, it's really-"

"Goddammit, I came here to eat! Not have a conversation with the damn waiter!" an angry voice yelled, coming from another red haired guy at the table.

"Your friend's got an anger problem," Yuri pointed out to "Guy".

"Guy"'s response was interrupted by another loud squeal.

"Ooo! I want to go first!" the young girl at their table shouted excitedly. "I'm so happy we have such a _handsome_ waiter." She winked up at him.

"Right…" Yuri sighed.

"Hey, how's the cream stew here?" The angry man's twin asked.

"Disgusting. Don't order it."

"Ah, that's too bad. I'll have the spicy shrimp then."

"Luke, are you sure that's such a good idea? Last time we got seafood here it had already gone bad." "Guy" told Luke, then turned to Yuri. "Unless we can trust it this time?"

"You'll definitely be throwing up later tonight."

"Well then-"

"Luke! I said I wanted to go first!" the girl whined.

"Ah, sorry Anise."

"I'm sick of waiting!" the angry man yelled, storming out of the bar.

"Asch!" "Guy" called after him. "We'd better go after him, Luke. He may get into some trouble in that mood."

"Awww, but I'm hungry!" Luke complained.

"We'll get something at the inn," Guy compromised, pulling a whining Luke out of his seat. "Come on, Anise."

"Boooo! I wanted to get to know our waiter better!" Anise also whined. She stood with her hands on her hips before looking up at Yuri, grinning, then tried saying in a sexy voice, "Maybe you'll come see me later,"

Yuri humored her, responding with a "Maybe I will," then watched her skip off after "Guy".

'Flynn sure has some weird friends…'

"You _still _haven't gotten an order yet?" the waitress asked incredulously.

"Hey, it's not my fault. They all keep leaving!" Yuri protested.

"What have you been doing, threatening to murder them?"

"Somehow, I don't think it would faze these people…" Yuri muttered.

"Whatever, look go to that table over there. That man has been trying to flirt with me all night and I'm sick of dealing with it every time I walk by. Maybe he'll shut up if you get him food."

Yuri looked to see the waitress was pointing at a red-haired man, who was waving back at them and winking, sitting with an older teenager.

"…I get the feeling I'm not going to enjoy this." Yuri said to himself as he approached the table.

Just as Yuri opened his mouth to start with a "What the hell do you want?" the man interrupted, openly flirting.

"Hey there, hunny! How are you this lovely evening?"

"Zelos, do you have to greet every waitress like that?" the guy beside him asked.

"Of course I do! Every hunny deserves love from The Great Zelos! I can't disappoint!"

Yuri's suspicions were confirmed and he became very indignant at being mistaken as a girl. "Look, I'm not a wait- _get your hand off my ass_!"

Yuri's fist made a very satisfying sound as it came into contact with the "The Great Zelos's" face.

"Ooouch, geez," the man complained on the ground. His friend hadn't even bothered looking up from his menu.

"Can I get the Set Lunch B with a slice of chocolate cake?" he asked, looking up at Yuri.

"Yeah, sure," Yuri complied, not minding his job after getting to release some anger on a customer.

"Bud! Aren't you worried about me?" the man asked as he got back up in his chair. "He could have broken my nose!"

"You would have deserved it." He said, shrugging. "Hey, can you also bring an amango tea."

"Sure," Yuri replied, enjoying the sight of bruise that was already forming on Zelos's cheek. "That it?"

"Yeah, that's it,"

"Hey! What about me?" Zelos exclaimed.

"I could get you another knuckle sandwich if you're still hungry," Yuri offered.

"Ugh, I think I'll pass," he responded, nursing his injured cheek and still trying to get some sympathy out of Lloyd.

Yuri left with the order and handed it to Trisha. "I got you that order you've been asking about."

Trisha took it, looking unhappily at Yuri. "So, what? You have to punch a customer to get an order now?"

Yuri thought about it, then shrugged. "Apparently."

Trisha sighed. "I'm going to get someone else to deliver the food. Why don't you just go get another order? It'll be your last one for tonight. And this time, try not to hit anybody."

"Aw, but it's such fun," He argued, earning a glare from her.

The customers were now just slowly trickling in, and more of them were leaving than coming in.

"Um, e-excuse me," a quiet voice called Yuri over to a table with a meek blonde, a brunette girl with flowers in her hair, and a silent, slightly-irritated looking red-haired man.

"So, what do you want?" Yuri asked, eager to leave the pub.

"U-uhm, well," the teen considered, looking down at the menu again. "I thought I wanted tortoise stew… But now I'm not so sure…"

Yuri shook his head, knowing that pursuing the order would only serve to frustrate him. He turned to the peppy looking girl. "You know what you want?"

"Yes! I'll have the spaghetti and meatballs!" she said happily. "And Emil will have the mandragasso."

Yuri looked to the blonde named Emil to confirm the order.

"I… I…" He looked torn between a decision. Yuri sighed impatiently.

"Emil," the red-haired man prompted.

"R-right… Be a man…" He murmured. "I'll have the grilled fish instead!" He proclaimed.

Yuri kept himself from laughing at the teen's seriousness at deciding what to eat, writing it down, only to be interrupted by the girl again.

"But Emil, I thought you like mandragasso better."

"I… I do, but tonight I want grilled fish…" He mumbled.

"I'll just have amango tea." The older man told Yuri.

Yuri turned to leave, waiting to see if flower girl would change Emil's mind. At a few words spoken from the red-haired man, she backed down.

Yuri delivered the last order, already undoing his tie.

"Excited to leave?" Agnes asked cheerfully.

"Oh yeah," Yuri responded. "Thanks for the warning about the strangers coming into town. They certainly were… interesting."

"Yes, that's why we usually don't have as many waiters this time of the year. Nobody wants to put up with them."

"Right, I can understand." He opened the door to the back room.

"You can hold on to that outfit if you want, Yuri," Agnes offered.

"Thanks but I think someone would try to talk me into doing this again if I kept it." He came out of the back room a few minutes later, taking his pay from Agnes. "Plus, I wouldn't want to get it all ruined with what I'm about to do."

"Oh, what's that?"

"Arrange for an old man's funeral."

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><p>Heh, poor Raven. XD<p>

Anyway, I hope you like this story! In case of any confusion, the guest characters will be listed at the bottom of this fic. Sorry to anyone who didn't get some of the inside jokes or characters from other Tales games. So That just gives you more incentive to play other Tales games, right? ;b I actually haven't played Tales of Rebirth before but Veigue shouting "CLAIRE!" was something I could not pass up haha.

I am still accepting requests and after writing this one I will open up my requests to a larger variety besides Fluri fics. ;b At this point, I'll take anything interesting that involves Tales of Vesperia characteras (and I say that knowing full well I could get anything in my PM box now... haha). :) Right now I'm working on two other request fics, so you may have to wait a bit, but it will get done! XD

Well, you know what to do!

**~Review~**

-Veigue Lungberg (Tales of Rebirth)  
>-Claire Bennett (Tales of Rebirth)<br>-Jade Curtiss (Tales of the Abyss)  
>-Peony (Tales of the Abyss)<br>-Guy Cecil (Tales of the Abyss)  
>-Luke Fon Fabre (Tales of the Abyss)<br>-Asch The Bloody (Tales of the Abyss)  
>-Anise Tatlin (Tales of the Abyss)<br>-Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia)  
>-Lloyd Irving (Tales of Symphonia)<br>-Emil Castagnier (Tales of Symphonia Dawn of the New World)  
>-Marta Lualdi (Tales of Symphonia Dawn of the New World)<br>-Richter Abend (Tales of Symphonia Dawn of the New World)


End file.
